( Here’s the second half. You’ll note that the changes are more about removal than wholesale rewrites . That being said, the changes are most notable at the end. )
It took him weeks to explore the campus, and finally he found a clue. There was a hole in security. Five different routes overlapped along the edges of an unpatrolled section above the manufacturing floor. No one entered the area, but with all the overlap, it was impossible to hunt for where the JOB, as Cam called it, might be. The unpatrolled location was a break area
So far, … [READ MORE]
I decided this week to put up the alternate (and original) ending of ‘Rat Race’, a story that was accepted for the ‘Corporate Catharsis’ anthology by Paper Angel Press. This story is much darker and dystopian than the accepted version.
The guards were at the gated entry. the two men in brown and black looked out over the restless swarm of business suits and blue jeans. Each person there in the misty morning carried a briefcase with The bright silver letters ‘HKI’ stenciled on both sides. What HKI stood for was cause of a constant debate online after work, as … [READ MORE]
Brainstorming is one of my favorite things to do. It’s basically just talking about ‘what if’ and discovering what could occur within a theoretical situation. I was chatting with friends the other night and got into a question of how generations might pass on knowledge if each generation was descrete, meaning complete separate. There were a bunch of ideas that came from that. A generation that grew up and instinctively knew some of the previous generation’s knowledge, but had to rediscover the more advanced forms. Another was the young ate the parents, assimilated their knowledge and then extended their technology … [READ MORE]
“Continue the repair, friend David. And please, the next time a repair is needed, please make the request ahead of time, so this does not happen again. It would be much appreciated.” “I hear you”, Thompson replied. And the doesn’t mean I won’t do it again at the next possible moment, you murderous ass. He set the wrench on the second bolt and started the drive loosening it.
Four hours later, he was bathed in sweat as the suit beeped, informing him about low oxygen filter efficiency. He tightened the final bolt, then blipped his comm. “Yes friend David?”, … [READ MORE]
As most of you know, my favorite two words in the English language are ‘What’ and ‘if’. They’re always linked together in my mind. ‘What if’ is the doorway to the imagination and to the start of writing a story. ‘What if’ isn’t the only thing needed however. What’s also needed is a direction for the story, setting, characters, background, history, and any other things that might be deemed helpful and useful in understanding characters or the story.
For historical fiction, the timeline during the story needs to be mapped out enough so that nothing contradicts that progression of historical … [READ MORE]
Drawers on the desk were pulled loose and floated in the room, slowly pinwheeling. Broken pieces of plastic were alsmot still in the air, having beld off any momentum before he appeared. Cupborad doors were open, one was broken off, and floated near the back of the room. Thompson’s eyes moved to he net-hammock. Roels was tied into it. He looked so bruised that Thompson thought at first he might have been killed. His heart started to hammer like it wanted to burst free, but when Roels turned and moaned painfully, the relief all but had him faint. He moved … [READ MORE]
Kim looked over to Ingers, and Thompson’s stomach dropped into his toes. Great job Dave. Open your mouth and become the next one on Kim’s ‘list.’ He shut up and looked away, feeling every bit of Kim’s stare as it moved back to him. God help us all, please. We’re in deep now. We have to do something. I can’t. I’m scared. Is Kim going to use Ingers to kill me too? No way I can beat him. Ingers would tear me apart in just a few seconds. He didn’t look up, trying, like Roels and Salila had been for … [READ MORE]
“Friend Ingers, Think of the lady. How does this look to the lady?”, Kim said quietly. Thompson saw Ingers go from stressed to focused in a moment. There was no indecision as he pushed towards Vyhovsky. What the hell?! Was that some kind of pyscho trigger? Thompson shouted, “Koll!” just as the Vyhovsky raised a boot to kick Ingers. Ingers, unable to change direction in zero-g, took the full brunt of the kick. Vyhovsky, since he wasn’t anchored either, moved back towards the wall, then rotated ‘up’ as his handhold kept him from going straight back from the momentum transfer. … [READ MORE]
Background in a book is the street the character walks down, the car she drives, the clothes he wears, the people met on a daily walk. Everything that the character interacts with is background if it’s not another primary character. It is this description and interaction that makes background, if you’ll pardon the wordplay, the backbone of the story.
Characters are just like a mannequin in a store window without background. There’s no one to interact with, nothing to see, nothing to hear, smell, or sense in any way that can help create a meaningful reaction or experience.
The statement, … [READ MORE]
Yes, I caught Pink-eye. It’s really annoying, itchy, and contagious. It’s an all-round pain in the tushie. But, it gave me an insight that may or may not be true, but I found interesting nonetheless. Since it is my left eye that was infected, in order to keep from itching it, I bought an eye patch to keep my fingers from rubbing the infected eye. I did some writing last evening with the eye patch on, and turned out nearly a thousand words, but I never really felt time pass. Once into the story, things just melted away around me. … [READ MORE]